More Songs About Esteban Buttez, Son

The Buttezview: Jarvis Cocker - "Further Complications"

2009-06-07T03:07:00.000-07:00

TEH BUTTEZ IS BACK! i've been away coz music is boring but i'm back because i gotta defend the blogosphere from web 2.0 and WESTWOOD'S TWITTER1!1!! and because this boring cunt is back to bore us all:

yessir joe cocker's annoying dickhead great-great-grandson is back and THIS TIME HE'S A TORY! real talk! he was like "oh, David Cameron should be the new fuhrer of England" (sorry america this is englander talk you can skip it) which means he's THE NEW BRYAN FERRY but with a CREPEY PEDO BEARD!!

so the PEOPLE'S HERO OF BRITPOP has now got plans to a conservative knob. how does one be a conservative knob? well, not by being Pulp for start? you see our wanky art student from Sheffield was surrounded by a couple of talented nobodys who did the music while he was being rude to Wacko Jacko (some sympathy plz, did you ever see "The Jacksons" mini-series, Jarvis??) and they had some BANGIN' TUNES ((C) Dom "Fatman" Passantino).

but we carnt have that no we gotta go down with some conservative mor-indie tunez that appeal to 30-somethind middle managers who remember when they copped a feel on a chick once in a disco when they were playing Disco 2000 (OH THE IRONY) which was just a shitty version of "Gloria" made shittier because Jarvis Cockhead was being proto-conservative with a crepey pedo beard singing his lyrics about him trying to smash underage girls!!!!1!!

SERIOUSLY. let's break it down track by track:

"Further Complications"
oh by the way this is actually mor-indie RAWK because steve alibini was drafted in. now this is the year 2009, so why are we sucking steve alibini's tiny cock??? i mean sure there's The Wedding Present's "Seamonsters" but that in 1991 and that was all about the Weddos amirite. (as an aside, your man Gedge is a proper Yorkshireman on the level of Geoffrey Boycott. he didn't need to run down to London to fuck greek chicks like Jarvis did. and sleeping with greek chix is not a great achivement as they have no choice since all the greek blokes are the gay.) what has he done since then? FUCK ALL. scrubbed up a shitty nirvana album (and nirvana was the shittest of ALL bands. oh and he worked with the mark of cain. LOL seriously. unfortunately i can remember the mark of cain.

anyway this song is shit

"Angela"
so that's the name of the latest young girl he's pedo-stalking? SOMEBODY CALL THE NEWS OF THE WORLD QUICK

"Pilchard"
more like TRYHARD. seriously trying to dress up as pedo high school teacher and trying to make that a fashion statement while mucking around with RAWK is TRYHARD.

but that original oxfam look is something i recommened in this economic climate.

"Leftovers"
i'm not going to review this song before it is really shit. anyway i had the chance to fuck a chick into pulp a little while but she didnt show up and i fucked a really drunk chick from hull instead. SCORE ANOTHER ONE FOR THE BUTTEZ!! ladies call me anytime

"I Never Said I Was Deep"
i said you are shit and should give up and go make a fucking britart (more like shitart) for your tory friends

"Homewrecker!"
yeah well i think the fact that you grew a pedo beard is a good enough excuse for her to have divorced your tory arse. hey wasnt she FRENCH?? fucking typical tory art wanker!!

"Hold Still"
wait AMG's Stephen Thomas Erlewine gave this shit 4.5 stars? what a cunt. BRING BACK NED RAGGETT!!!!!!!!!!!! he likes the spliffs!!!

"Fuckingsong"
Fuckingawfulsong

"Caucasian Blues"
he might as well named this song after the hot internet meme 'i'm white btw'. only a cunty middle class white person could call a song this. i bet jarvis has a token black friend too (maybe it could be the dude from the block party??) and goes to subway for lunch about twice a week.

"Slush"
JARVIS TAKES ON THE ENVIRONMENT!! wow just wow this is like reading a piece in the Murdoch press rallying against climate change.

"You're In My Eyes (Discosong)"
well well well look at someone digging up the past. sorry BUT YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT YOUR ROBOT CAR

The Verdict

i used to think pulp was the greatest thing ever once. banging tunes!! common people!! now we're all middle managers who are getting into NOISE RAWK. we love life more like I HATE FUCKING CONSERVATIVES AND LIFE

this 1980s revival is getting way the fuck out of hand

2009-01-04T05:12:00.000-08:00

ok it was pretty cool when everyone was ripping off the new pop after simon reynolds discovered the rosetta stone while on the piss back in 2001 (translated in today's language it said: "that scritti politti dude looks faggy"). it was amusing when the kids discovered crispy ambulance. great when they found out about the new romantics! annoyingly mainstream when people got a bunch of old new order records out! justified when a bunch of sour faced geordies found a crate of old XTC records buried under the old virgin records offices! irritating when hollywood found out about a little known group that were called tears for fears! profitable when advertising creatives found out you could sell chocolate with phil collins nude!

but now my report on the ground is that the kids are down with dire straits! that's right!! you remember those guys? they ruined at least one of douglas adams' hitchhiker books and they're back!! back with their homophobias and trans-atlantic fascism ((C) Robin Carmody) and shitty shit shit computer "graphics"! who is the hero of the kids? no it isn't the greatest black man in American history (Kanye), it's this cunt:

well sorry kids i am hoppin off this train to a shitty club with cheap vodka shots and getting on the NINETIES BANDWAGON before all of you! yeahhh lets get some fuckin flannel shirts out, listen to shitty grunge and act like a bunch of fucking losers who dont have any purpose in life!!

so long SUCKERS and good luck catching up with me. i'll be on the spin doctors revival while you losers are still bringing back acid house!!

IMPORTANT NOTICE

2009-01-04T05:03:00.000-08:00

i am a professional music writer!! any slurs against my good name suggesting that i am not professional are false. i mean a) i am better than yr blog standard writer you can notice that and b) i am being paid to write thiz shiznit.

i cant tell you who pays my wages for writing such top quality gear but his initials are RM and he hatez the muslims. so yeah dont fuck wiv me or i'll get every right wing media outlet from here to timbuktu on yo azz.

ps: Why don't the liberal elite music artists giving fair and equal space to conservative viewpoints in their songs? And why do they hate America? Front line soldiers on the liberal side in the culture wares? Probably. Look at that homosexual Bono there.

i dont know why you niggaz are hating on kanye west

2009-01-02T02:51:00.000-08:00

seriously just because he is a black man and a gay man (= GAY NIGGA FROM OUTER SPACE)

his shit is off the hook yo and yo just jealous

ps i aint racist or homophobic honest i like his song the love lockdown not even morrissey could hate him for that

The Buttezview: Guns N' Roses - "Chinese Democracy"

2009-01-01T03:37:00.000-08:00

OH MY GOD AXL ROSE IS BACK AND HE'S BOUGHT THE WORLD A ~~COKE~~ DR PEPPER

YESSIR after 271 years axl rose come back late last year to drop a hot new one on the world. now you must remember that shit took time. last time when axl released an album (lol spaghetti incident lol doesnt count) he was working with dudes like SLASH and BEETHOVEN and CHARLES GRODIN (from the hit films "BEETHOVEN" and "BEETHOVEN'S SECOND) and it was the year 1772. now it was 2008 and he had kinda worked with BUCKETHEAD but not and i guess he's found some dudes who havent had haircuts since Axl got on that bus with the black people he didnt like.

so how did it go down? lets review this TRACK BY TRACK:

Chinese Democracy

AXL YOU BUTTHEAD they dont have the democracy in china. look i live in sydney ok and that means i have a lot of sex with chinese girls. now i cant have this album which not only is called "chinese democracy" but has a song called "chinese democracy" in the bedroom just in case it causes issues in there which i dont want when i'm getting it on

THINK about it. also, is this the song with the Shaq Rap?

Shackler's Revenge

who da fuck is a shackler and what is he going on about?? what is he revenging? AXL sounds like AXL again which would be great if it was 1887 or whenever he was last relevant. also, is this the song with the Shaq Rap?

Better

more like WORSE

also, is this the song with the Shaq Rap?

Street of Dreams

oh man what is this with the piano and the strings and seriously is this use your illusion III or what son?? also, is this the song with the Shaq Rap?

If The World

if the world got a dr pepper everything would be cool but typical AMERIKKA only gives dr pepper to AMERIKKA but you know what? last time i had a dr pepper it was at a sandwich shop in AMERIKKA and it wasnt panera bread. i didnt care for it TOO MUCH but it was less worse than the time when they tried to sell it at my high school for 20 cents and nobody bought it except for the dumbass kids. also, is this the song with the Shaq Rap?

There Was A Time

TWAT!! lol yr such a punning wordsmith, axl!!

also, is this the song with the Shaq Rap?

Catcher In The Rye

Axl reborn as a...16-year-old with a LiveJournal??? also, is this the song with the Shaq Rap?

Scraped

YAHHHH AXL'S BACK!! good song but is this the song with the Shaq Rap?

Riad N' Bedouins

OMG THE MUSLIM BLACK ARABS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE WHITE HOUSE AND NOW HAVE TAKEN OVER THE GUNS N' ROSES!! IT EVEN SOUNDS A BIT LIKE THE MANIC STREET PREACHERS WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG AND WERE SOCIALIST GAYS RATHER THAN GAY SOCIALISTS!! also, is this the song with the Shaq Rap?

Sorry

you should be for making a nigga wait this long and is this the song with the Shaq Rap?

I.R.S.

OH MY GOD AXL WROTE A SONG ABOUT WRESTLING'S MIKE ROTUNDA

hey do you remember his feud with razor ramon?? or when he and ted dibase beat the hulk hogan?? maybe they should have got hulk hogan's daughter to sing on this song with a diss on this dude?? also, is this the song with the Shaq Rap?

Madagascar

omg Axl wrote a song for a kid's film WHAT A FUCKING SELLOUT I'M TAKING THIS SHIT OUT AND GETTING THE NEW VELVET REVOLVER ALBUM...oh, maybe not. also, is this the song with the Shaq Rap?

This I Love

did axl actually wish the aids on freddie mercury and kenny everett but then felt sorry about it? i believe he did. also, is this the song with the Shaq Rap?

Prostitute

is THIS the song with the Shaq Rap?

The Verdict

growing up i knew a kid whose older brother got him all the guns n' roses albums. he grew up and turned out to be a child molester. anyways this tells you all you need to know but i would be happy to buy Axl a Pepsi all the same. its the taste of a new generation.

hey if you listen to cut copy or hercules and love affair, you are a stupid deaf cunt that likes second rate indie electro guff and i hope you die

2009-01-01T03:25:00.000-08:00

also: you wear a stupid "80s" t-shirt full of gay colours (despite you being a homophobic cunt)

Is it true that only 40-year-old male virgins listen to Prefab Sprout, Hammer?

2008-12-29T02:59:00.000-08:00

THEY CAN'T TOUCH TITS

I TOLD YOU HOMEBOY (THEY CAN'T TOUCH TITS)

YEAH, REMEMBER THAT BRO'S BLONDE EIGHTIES HAIR (THEY CAN'T TOUCH TITS)

LOOK AT THE SOPHISTICATED POP VIRGINS, MAN (THEY CAN'T TOUCH TITS)

YO, DID HE DO THAT SONG 'THE KING OF ROCK N ROLL'? (THEY CAN'T TOUCH TITS)

oh and just in case you forgot

2008-12-28T02:23:00.001-08:00

nick cave is still a useless cunt

I didn't know that Robin Carmody has gone back to blogging, honest to blog

2008-12-28T02:12:00.000-08:00

(Reposted from hit Facebook group, If it ain't Mondeo Pop, I ain't interested)

The Beautiful South's self-censorship of the single version of 'Don't Marry Her' put in the context of Tony Blair winning the Labour leadership following the death of John Smith, was the ultimate foreshadowing of pop giving up the ghost under New Labour, much like how menu cars on trains following privatization stopped selling hot cups of Oxo in favour of Coca-Cola. Which, if happened earlier during the Housemartins era, Heaton would have written a song about it from the traditionalist Northern working class viewpoint of...

(Apologises for the lack of a Rupert Murdoch conspiracy theory.)

ESTEBAN BUTTEZ 2008 IN REVIEW!!!!

2008-12-27T18:19:00.000-08:00

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND

people have been asking king man buttez, "where you been brother for 12 months?" and well i tell you this: i first quit because SOULJA BOY had hit the web 2.0 scene and was gonna take over the world and let me tell you something for nothing...ESTEBAN BUTTEZ don't play for second place. HOWEVER, YAHH TRICK YAHH can only get you so far supermanning that ho and I am now back to save the world from indie kidz that discovered electronica dis year.

While a nigga might have been away from the BLOGAMANIASPHEREWORLD this year, rest assured that I been castin' a CRITICAL eye on thangz. So in the tradition of Pitchdork, Styleless (lol rip lol), Teh Gruaniad and The Quietus Morrissey Weekly and other gay ass music sites, I am taking December easy and just going over things that you already know what happened THIS YEAR!!!!

ESTEBAN BUTTEZ' 2008 IN REVIEW

indie kidz discover electronica and pitchdork cream their jeans. lol and the fat man's dfa empire of guff lol
THE KILLERS somehow made the best single this year ("spaceman" goes off my son)
OH MY GOD AXL ROSE RELEASED DUKE NUKEM FOREVER
kanye west start sucking the cock (literally) for the auto-tune (metaphor for phil collins' semen)
KATY PERRY SURE HAS SOME BIG TITTAYS
rihanna is a pretty black girl yet does not have a black girl's bottom? hella confused
england is officially retarded for 1) railing against jay-z and 2) that hallejulah nonsense considering that jeff buckley was shit back when he was alive in 1864
If any more retards hop on the OBAMA CELEBRITY TRAIN, I hope some rightwing nutbag from Alabama kills them.
the verve come back and only Q magazine notices
wait that dude in the school uniform from crappy rawk band ac/dc is still alive??? i thought he was 117
"Oh my god, did you see the advertisement with the gorilla playing the drums? That's so awesome. That song was about a guy he saw drown, you know."
Coldplay are much better dressed than anyone in music and still get no respect

(Chris Martin, yesterday)

scouting for girls are cretins because they haven't heard of a thing called girl guides?? oh and they are shit
how can an ugly-arse welsh bitch be called as a "soul diva"
OH MY GOD MORRISSEY IS STILL A RACIST AND A GAY
that black dude from the bloc party does two good songs and gets racially assaulted from johnny rotten??
"american boy" is still really shit
the ting ting or whatever the fuck its called is the most annoying thing since syphilis
WEARIN' MY ROLEX is second best song this year for reals
i am going to punch the next 18 year old kid that goes into a 80s club wearing a bright gay t-shirt full of colours
flight 0f the conchords' album is deemed amusing by virgin retards and ugly fat chicks
I'M STILL WAITING FOR MY DR PEPPER AXL YOU NIGGA (and i dont even like that guff)

PUN OF THE YEAR

2007-11-10T21:00:00.001-08:00

MANY THANKS FOR THIS INTERNET

12 FACTS you should know about rock/pop but DONT until NOW

2007-11-10T05:37:00.000-08:00

i, esteban buttez, is here to bring you da truth about the music scenes. i aint afraid of the truth and i aint afraid of THE MAN who wants to keep all this hush hush and has...UNTIL NOW

so sit down and soak in these 12 FACTS that only esteban buttez can tell you because I have the insights and the insiders and the BALLS to tell it as a nigga sees it

1. white people stole the music from the black people but the black people stole it from the azns in the first place so it's all good
2. thom yorke's internet page history on his laptop includes this page
3. neil young's entire artistic output is crap except for about four songs (rockin in the free world NOT INCLUDED) and the album cover for "everybody's rockin" which was a real statement
4. all anton newcombe of the brian jonestown massacre has ever done is rape his fuckin' son and write a song about it
5. kevin shields once ate six double cheeseburgers for dinner. with fries.
6. AMY WINEHOUSE LIKES A DRINK OR TWO!!! THATS WHY THEY CALL HER WINEHOUSE, SON
7. also, amy whinehouse is a tranny
8. mos def is looking to one day become a member of king crimson and swap the underground hip hop for the OLD PROG GUFF
9. "underground" scottish artist momus isn't as good as his cousin, the guy from deacon blue
10. deacon blue's 'raintown' shits on that momus album where he sung about italian women raping japanese women
11. genesis does what nintendo'nt!!
12. inxs was the WORST band ever

THATS ALL FOR NOW BUTTEZ OUT!!

why POOFTAH MUSIC is better than DYKE MUSIC

2007-11-06T01:53:00.000-08:00

POOFTAH MUSIC is pretty kewel because tha bumbandits know how to leik fun. they take the e'z and dance to disco and shitznit and then have the hard and rough bumsex! they gave us teh pet shopp boyz and shit. in fact, pooftahs are great fun and cool dudez when they are tryin not to put their diseased aids cocks in yr anus!!

DYKE MUSIC is boring guff shit because teh cunt eatin dykes hate funs. they have shitty dope (and dope leads to shitty music EVERY FUKKEN TIME) and write poems about their diseased vaginas and how teh men rap them every time when they are within 10 miles of said diseased vaginas and how trannies are teh evil because they are not even tolerant and listen to shitty guff folk musics. or tori amos crying about being raped. or tegan and sara masturbating their shecocks (this is the only known example of shecocks approved by teh dykes for sum reason maybe because they are teh boringz!!). in fact, dykes are boring untolerant bitches who need a cock in their anus. if teh pooftahs werent pooftahs, they'd perfect for the job and liven up teh dyke lives a little!!!!!

ESTEBAN BUTTEZ' TOP TEN SONGS TO PLAY WHILE PLAYING SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 1 OR 2

2007-11-04T02:06:00.000-08:00

nigga say i only say negative shit about music. nigga dat aint true.

ESTEBAN BUTTEZ' TOP TEN SONGS TO PLAY WHILE PLAYING SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 1 OR 2

hell yah

10. Ugly Kid Joe - "Cats in the Cradle"
ugly kid joe's best-selling album, "america's least wanted", is the most appropriately named album ever because NOBODY EVER WANTED TO LISTEN TO UGLY KID JOE! haha pwn. except for stoners back in '92 but who da fuck ever gave two shits about these losars?

anywayz its on list because we used to play sonic while dis was on the radio and that shiznit kinda gets in your brain even after cat stevens declared the jihad on ugly kid joe and killed them for ALLAH!!!!!! which is why YOU never heard of them again

9. Genesis - "Invisible Touch"
GENESIS DOES WHAT NINTENDON'T!!

also mah touch was invisible when i was hittin da b button and killin' up dr. robotnik with tha spin attacks

8. Peter Gabriel - "Steam"
about the same time that a nigga was first buying sonic the hedgehog, peter gabriel was at WOMADelaide because he had given adelaide the wonderful gift of a WOMAD and all the pot-smoking feral left hippies that come along with that ruin our parklands with disused flyers for mung bean liberation

thanks a lot arsehole!!!

(ps did you ever get to fuck kate bush, pete? if you did you would be my favourite musician evar)

7. Eric Clapton - "Tears In Heaven"
haha his stupid kid fell out of a window

6. Guns 'N' Roses - "November Rain"
by the time a DECENT sonic teh hedgehog games out for a next gen system, we'll be rawkin out to CHINESE DEMOCRACY owned

(has anyone told axl that they dont have democracy in china??)

5. New Order - "Regret"
haha barney is regretting hooking with johnny marr now he turned crap (still at least he wasnt at modest mouse level crap yet, no wonder even mike joyce has taken johnny's number of his mobile phone list) while hooooky is regretting the fact that he is a DUMB BUTT unless he is doing the bass in new order but especially when he is trying to be like barney but a crap version of barney if a thing is possible

stephen and gillian dont have to regret anything!!

4. U2 - "Even Better Than The Real Thing"
remember that brief period of time when u2 werent crap??

no neither do i!!

3. The Scorpions - "Wind of Change"
this is the soundtrack of how east germany was liberated by the communist fascists and given the awesome power of MULLETS and SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!! fuck you marx and lenin, DEMOCRACY IS TEH WINNAR AND NOT YUO and yr red sickle is no match for a blue hedgehog in nike shoes!!!

2. Sonic Youth - "Kool Thing"
SONIC YOUTH LIKES CHILLI DOGS

1. The Spin Doctors - "Two Princes"
this isnt only the best song to play sonic the hedgehog to this is only the best and most perfect song ever

but it did give the world the genre of "crap american jam band" so fuck that

ESTEBAN BUTTEZ' TOP TEN SHITTEST BANDS OF ALL TIME

2007-11-02T07:51:00.000-07:00

christ on a mountain bike son theres a lot of crappy bands out there. It's true you pull yo ass around the corner and you will see some punk ass 17 year old punks tryin to rawk out in the shittest way possible. if you ever have a kid and he/she grows up to do that, you have FAILED at being a parent. You know if you have succeeded if you have hit and bullied the child so much that he/she plays keyboards too fucken much

ANYWAY the point is the whole world is infested with shite bands like how nanobots will turn our punk asses into green goo once project 17 is launched (and it will)...

BUT only a certain number of bands - TEN in fact - can spend DECADES at being so shit that they end their fag ass asses on ESTEBAN BUTTEZ' TOP TEN SHITTEST BANDS OF ALL TIME

why write this? because q and shitty music magz do this GUFF all the time and it gets them on news websites because HOLD THE PRESSES, TEH STONE ROSES IS STILL THE BEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME

which is bullshit because even BRADFORD was better. i still prefer mozza's version of skinhead storming anywayz.

NOW HERE IS THE LIST SON

10. Led Zeppliens
thanks u fags for inventing heavy mental........NOT!!! now the whole world has had to put up with GUFF from "really deep" 16 year old nerds rawkin out on the guitar. fuck that. the fags couldnt come up with album names (II? FUCK THAT!!) or decent songs. or decent song names. bwyn-y-have-a-holiday-home-in-wales stomp? i dont think so tim. thankfully bozo the clown died of an alcholic posioning to split the band...not that he died of course because he changed his now to rappin ronnie reagan and became fuhrer of america

and shit those fagz are coming back for one night only for the corporations

stairway to heavens still rawks tho'

9. Sleater-Kinney
heh. nice try girls, GO BACK TO THE POTS AND PANS. oh wait, you already have. ZIIING!

8. Wolfmother
oh boy reheated 70s dinosaur rock BOY ISNT IT GREAT TO BE LIVING IN THE 20TH CENTURY AND LISTENING TO MODERN MUSIC? this shit pisses me off because every song right should sound like "together in electric dreams" not generic r&b guff or dinosaur rawk

ANYWAY only australians could come up with this crap and only australians could listen to it

7. Jet
see above but with "lol way to steal beatles songs lol"

6. The Beatles
heh. you know when your band sucks when the drummer is the most talented. AND IT'S TRUE, look at ringo's early solo career, son.

5. Muse
a few years back i brought this kinda cool shirt from french connection (lol) which was colourful and a bit fruity but it was cool and everyone liked it

then that fag from muse wore the exact same shirt at live 8

nigga i havent been able to wear it since

4. Revenge
Too easy.

3. U2
"THESE GUYS ARE FROM ENGLAND AND WHO GIVES A SHIT?"

2. The Rolling Stones
the world's best rock and roll band? yeahhhhhh...i dont think so. because if it wasit wouldnt have some big lipped atlanticist fascist (probably) tart who sings like a cross between a goat fucker, a crossdresser and a posh english fag (but not the good kind of posh english fag). neither would it have some drugged up muthafucka writin and playin shitty boogie shit and the same boogie shit since 1902. they also wouldnt have whored themselves out to THE MAN, wouldnt have stolen french train electricity (they would have been like OMD and used SOLAR POWER) and they wouldnt have been unhygenic and ate a mars bar out of a diseased vagina.

they would have also been nicer to brian jones.

the rolling stones are none of these things. they are nothing more than the flesh embodiment of the baby boomer spirit: that is their self-centered mission to own and fuck up the world and let us fuckers clean it up. and making housing unaffordable.

also they killed the black man at altamont. i have NO sympathy for when mick jagger dies from the AIDS (which he will) which is the black man's revenge

1. Pink Floyd
only australians really like these cunts

do i need to say more??

Esteban Buttez Bloggin' At The ARIA "Awards"

2007-11-01T02:46:00.000-07:00

Last sunday the INTERNET MUSIC JOURANLIST JUGGERNAUT known as ESTEBAN BUTTEZ got an invite to the aria "awards"

now 99.9% of you all will be like "lol what shit is that" and i will be like "oh its like the BRITS but even shitter because it is for AUSTRALIAN RAWK only and you will be like "oh lol"

yeah son i was there and it was shit and i didnt even get a blowjob from that one from those twin sisters so fuck that. also they had that tooheys shit. homeboy i like tooheys old but that aint trendy so they were givin us music journalists that extra dry GUFF and i was like "GIVE ME COOPERS, SON" and this 16 year old jock fag cunt was like "uhhh we dont have that because we get paid by beer people to promote to trendy trendsetters like u"

bloody hell son

anyway the ceremony sucked ass and SILVERCHIAR (lol no rly) were voted best gayass aussie rawk band, best shitty boring straight ahead aussie rawk album (lol next year it will be wolfmother's direct cover of deep purple) and boringist boring jock fag shit evah

welcome to australia in the year 2007 lol rly that whiny fag talks about shitting his pants, marries that anoerixc bitch who had that song and makes a shitty shit album full of boring guff which is another copy of LOL FROGSTOMP LOL and thats the best australian album of the year

still who else were they gonna give it to? powdersfingers?

pays de merde

keith urban was there. he's the alcoholic fag that married nicole kidman because she only marries fag. he won the best australian country album which is like being student of the year in a special school

that bitch from sneaky system sounds has a dick lol

john butler trio won the award for "album most purchased by office workers aged 22-30 that have no taste and dont want to listen to anything challenging just some folk GUFF shit while they pretend to smoke weed but just drink shit beer like tooheys extra dry or BLONDE GUFF"

tha hilltop hoods had to win the best urban release again with their album from last year because ever since john howard killed the aboriginals and the sudanese refugees there are no black people in australia (except for arndale)

coming into the aria hall of fame was king fuckwit Nick Cave. what for? being shit!! haha wtf. here's how nick cave's career has progressed:

1887: goes to london because he thinks there some shitty english bands that are as shit as them and they sell about 16 cassettes. by the time he gets there, they have invented the new pop which is about 10000000x better and that upsets nick because he can't do music that is listenable only shitty GUFF STUFF

1891: upset nick becomes a tard and does music influenced by american tards that hate europe (copyright robin carmody). note that he now lives in EUROPE

1985: becomes shitty 80s goth botherer. even worse version of killing joke if possible.

1995: tries to fuck kylie minogue but fails

1997: becomes annoying uphimself cunt singing about god and shit

2007: looks like a crap version of ugly dave gray if such a thing is possible but without the dick jokes

final proof that you have to get into a hall of fame for australian "music" you have to be a tard and shit at every attempt you've made at music. this is why shit fag tards like nick cave and ac/dc (more like tard/retard) and other guff get in. and why teh go-betweens and the triffids and the good guys from the television advertisement for whitegoods retailer the good guys don't get in

basically you have to sing shit about retarded american goth shit or retarded reheated seventies dinosaur rawk to do well in this fucking lame ass country

while if you sing about cattle and cane and the good guys slashing prices on quality good you get shafted

which is bullshit because what has nick cave done for me? fuck all

what have the good guys done for me? i got a hella good toaster from the good guys at pooraka for ONLY TWENTY DOLLARS and they still sing better than nick cave

because they really do slash the prices

The Buttezview: Radiohead - "In Rainbows"

2007-10-31T04:35:00.000-07:00

more like "in gaybows" ehehehehehe

well well well look who's back!! after disappearing off the face of the earth after their shitty prog rock concept album about a fascist dentist a few years back, "heil to the teeth", king indie fags RADIOHEAD are back with more shit that is going to make those closeted pitchfork writers want to give blowjobs to Mr. Happy Thom Yorke (unless they're lesbians then they're dreaming about teagan and sara's shecocks)

FIRST OF ALL, I am SICK of this GUFF about how Radiohead have gone about selling this latest piece of shite. they are not cool and wild and reckless because they are using publicity just like the usual whores of the music industry. You see, Thom and the Zoloft gang used ROCKTOBER to promote their shitty album. Yessireeee they waited until the first of ROCKTOBER to announce the release of this album on the tenth of ROCKTOBER thus taking advantage of a HOLY FESTIVAL of ICY COLD CANS OF COKES FROM BLACK THUNDERS

this is like leonard cohen using ramadan to promote his new album!!!

also wtf at the usual fags from the guardian/whatever trendy left "newspaper" pissing their pants about this strategy of selling it over the internets? HELLO EVER HEARD OF A LITTLE THING CALLED iTUNES? NO! THEN STOP HAVING YOUR FAGGY FOCCACIA LUNCHES AND DO SOME RESEARCH, SON!!!

seriously this is retarded. guys like prince, david bowie and antipope julian XXI have been selling mp3s on the internet since 1987. and because that homogay thom yorke does it now it's news??? i don't think so, tim

and the price! who cares! when was the last time anyone under the age of 15 or over 45 purchased music? about 1998, dudes. and that shitty band who i cant remember because they were so shit gave away their album in MAY!! and they didn't ask for ANYTHING!!

for my review i went to get a copy from the radiohead internets site and when they asked me what I should pay I entered "-$100" because i think radiohead OWE ME $100 if i have to listen to their shitty album. that wasn't accepted so i torrented it HAW HAW STICKIN' IT TO THE MAN NOW THOM

but, wait a sec, holmes. what if you don't have internets or dial-up?? then you have to buy a record for $900 that includes a vinyl copy and a video of the drummer masturbating over a picture of avril lavigne (i have seen this and it is not pretty)

so thom is hating on the non internet pplz of the world

now who can't get internet? poor people!

where do the majority of the world's poor people live? africa!

what colour skin do africans have? mostly black

you see? YOU SEE? THOM YORKE DOESN'T WANT BLACK PEOPLE LISTENING TO HIS MUSIC!! this is final proof that thom yorke is a bigger racist than eric clapton and bryan ferry combined!!

arsehole!!

anyway before this turns into a dom passantino review (ha ha ha, he can only get a gig at *DROWNED IN SOUND* now what a fag now he has to write shit about art brut) let's go through this piece of shit - TRACK BY TRACK

now first of all some tuneless fags have said this is like talk talk's post rock albums. these fags are retards because mark hollis knew how to write a song. must have been the heroin. and this shite is not even 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000004% good as those guitars on the rainbow. this rawks, yo. my housemate's stupid fag boyfriend was around saturday and i think he hated it.

what would he know!!!

1, 2 Step

oh look an ironic indie cover of a recent pop release

:ROLLEYES:

because thom yorke thinks he is anywhere near as talented as ciara. it'll be funny when the popjustice homos string him up by the balls!!!

seriously, this kinda of shit sucks. and i'm not just talking travis (lol travis). except for that maximo parkcover of justin thimberlake which was like a 3rd rate A CERTAIN RATIO. or aztec cameras OBVIOUSLY.

the only thing worse, btw, is ironic pop cover of indie music. i would say the only punishment worthwhile for lily allen is gangrape but she wouldn't notice because her vagina is too damn loose!!

Bodysnatchers

more like timesnatchers as in you're wastin' my time thom listening to yer bitchin'

Nude

the bassist dude gets naked and tries to rape thom. hijinks!!

Weird Fishes/Apreggi

this shit is why radiohead sucks the cock. they are so crap that they need TWO TITLES for ONE SONG because they have no imagination, no talent, no doing verbs, etc, etc.

here's an example:

GOOD BAND: OMD because Andy McCluskey was like "let's make TWO SONGS about joan of arc while i get a perm" so they made TWO SONGS about joan of arc and he got a rad 80s perm

BAD BAND: radiohead because thom is like "ohhh how depressing is life and oh god i'm going to screw the record industry over even through i've made millions off those guys and i'm going to make sure all the office admin people who are all only temps and get paid shit all lose all their jobs...and ohhh i can't decide what title to give my shit song so i will give them both while i lay in scrooge mcduck's money pit"

All I Want

haha an echo and the bunnymen cover

you're not even chris martin, thom

at least that kid had the balls to say he was a virgin until he was 27

Faust Amp

your amp is busted because the guitars sound like SHIIITY SHIT

Reckoner

i reckon this song sucks and is boring

much like yr mom

House of Cards

wtf with this women singing in these songs btw

SPENT THE RECORD COMPANY ON HOOKERS AND THEN USED IT FOR YOUR OWN GAIN!!!

Jisgaw Falling Into Place

actually this song sounds like Turds Falling Into Toliets (for realz)

Videotape

heh typical luddites. now only are these fags are the last to use the internet to sell music, they sing a song about VIDEOTAPES. and probably BETA. ever heard of something called a DVD, thom???

The Verdict

if you still like this album despite the DAMNING EVIDENCE, you are a dumbass who only listens to people you think are trend setters. in this case, you think people from THE INTERNET are trend setters. therefore, you are the saddest nerd in history. please proceed to make a certificate on microsoft publisher with that statement and hang it up on your wall. then stare at it for thirty minutes for every day for the rest of your life untill you kill yourself with an overdoes of zoloft (i give it two weeks)

esteban buttez in tha BUTTEZSPHERE

2007-10-31T01:36:00.000-07:00

yo fagz this is ESTEBAN BUTTEZ the NUMBER ONE INTERNET MUSIC JOURNALIST and i am back to pwn you fagz at the writing now those fey gay fag feyfags at Stylus are DEAD (todd burns u suck at life and nick southall you are real gay) and Pitchfork? who da fuckstill reads pitchdork?

ANYWAY i know some of my holmes who know me are asking "ESTEBAN BUTTEZ? You rejected Stylus, Pitchfork, Rolling Stone, The Guardian, The Welsh Communist Party Newsletter...why are you lowering yourself to the BLOGOPSHERE?"

Wellllll for a start you gay fag - it's the BUTTEZSPHERE. secondly this is where its at - i read an article in the NME about it. also those fags radiohead (more like boring old cunt fags) are trying to take over the internet and i ain't lettin that happen.

more importantly both matchbox 2020 and radiohead and maynard g. krebbs are back and homeboy i gotta stop it and save music

STAY TUNED MY HOMIES!!