yessir joe cocker's annoying dickhead great-great-grandson is back and THIS TIME HE'S A TORY! real talk! he was like "oh, David Cameron should be the new fuhrer of England" (sorry america this is englander talk you can skip it) which means he's THE NEW BRYAN FERRY but with a CREPEY PEDO BEARD!!
so the PEOPLE'S HERO OF BRITPOP has now got plans to a conservative knob. how does one be a conservative knob? well, not by being Pulp for start? you see our wanky art student from Sheffield was surrounded by a couple of talented nobodys who did the music while he was being rude to Wacko Jacko (some sympathy plz, did you ever see "The Jacksons" mini-series, Jarvis??) and they had some BANGIN' TUNES ((C) Dom "Fatman" Passantino).
but we carnt have that no we gotta go down with some conservative mor-indie tunez that appeal to 30-somethind middle managers who remember when they copped a feel on a chick once in a disco when they were playing Disco 2000 (OH THE IRONY) which was just a shitty version of "Gloria" made shittier because Jarvis Cockhead was being proto-conservative with a crepey pedo beard singing his lyrics about him trying to smash underage girls!!!!1!!
SERIOUSLY. let's break it down track by track:
"Further Complications"
oh by the way this is actually mor-indie RAWK because steve alibini was drafted in. now this is the year 2009, so why are we sucking steve alibini's tiny cock??? i mean sure there's The Wedding Present's "Seamonsters" but that in 1991 and that was all about the Weddos amirite. (as an aside, your man Gedge is a proper Yorkshireman on the level of Geoffrey Boycott. he didn't need to run down to London to fuck greek chicks like Jarvis did. and sleeping with greek chix is not a great achivement as they have no choice since all the greek blokes are the gay.) what has he done since then? FUCK ALL. scrubbed up a shitty nirvana album (and nirvana was the shittest of ALL bands. oh and he worked with the mark of cain. LOL seriously. unfortunately i can remember the mark of cain.
anyway this song is shit
"Angela"
so that's the name of the latest young girl he's pedo-stalking? SOMEBODY CALL THE NEWS OF THE WORLD QUICK
"Pilchard"
more like TRYHARD. seriously trying to dress up as pedo high school teacher and trying to make that a fashion statement while mucking around with RAWK is TRYHARD.
but that original oxfam look is something i recommened in this economic climate.
"Leftovers"
i'm not going to review this song before it is really shit. anyway i had the chance to fuck a chick into pulp a little while but she didnt show up and i fucked a really drunk chick from hull instead. SCORE ANOTHER ONE FOR THE BUTTEZ!! ladies call me anytime
"I Never Said I Was Deep"
i said you are shit and should give up and go make a fucking britart (more like shitart) for your tory friends
"Homewrecker!"
yeah well i think the fact that you grew a pedo beard is a good enough excuse for her to have divorced your tory arse. hey wasnt she FRENCH?? fucking typical tory art wanker!!
"Hold Still"
wait AMG's Stephen Thomas Erlewine gave this shit 4.5 stars? what a cunt. BRING BACK NED RAGGETT!!!!!!!!!!!! he likes the spliffs!!!
"Fuckingsong"
Fuckingawfulsong
"Caucasian Blues"
he might as well named this song after the hot internet meme 'i'm white btw'. only a cunty middle class white person could call a song this. i bet jarvis has a token black friend too (maybe it could be the dude from the block party??) and goes to subway for lunch about twice a week.
"Slush"
JARVIS TAKES ON THE ENVIRONMENT!! wow just wow this is like reading a piece in the Murdoch press rallying against climate change.
"You're In My Eyes (Discosong)"
well well well look at someone digging up the past. sorry BUT YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT YOUR ROBOT CAR
The Verdict
i used to think pulp was the greatest thing ever once. banging tunes!! common people!! now we're all middle managers who are getting into NOISE RAWK. we love life more like I HATE FUCKING CONSERVATIVES AND LIFE
