Saturday, November 10, 2007
12 FACTS you should know about rock/pop but DONT until NOW
i, esteban buttez, is here to bring you da truth about the music scenes. i aint afraid of the truth and i aint afraid of THE MAN who wants to keep all this hush hush and has...UNTIL NOW
so sit down and soak in these 12 FACTS that only esteban buttez can tell you because I have the insights and the insiders and the BALLS to tell it as a nigga sees it
1. white people stole the music from the black people but the black people stole it from the azns in the first place so it's all good
2. thom yorke's internet page history on his laptop includes this page
3. neil young's entire artistic output is crap except for about four songs (rockin in the free world NOT INCLUDED) and the album cover for "everybody's rockin" which was a real statement
4. all anton newcombe of the brian jonestown massacre has ever done is rape his fuckin' son and write a song about it
5. kevin shields once ate six double cheeseburgers for dinner. with fries.
6. AMY WINEHOUSE LIKES A DRINK OR TWO!!! THATS WHY THEY CALL HER WINEHOUSE, SON
7. also, amy whinehouse is a tranny
8. mos def is looking to one day become a member of king crimson and swap the underground hip hop for the OLD PROG GUFF
9. "underground" scottish artist momus isn't as good as his cousin, the guy from deacon blue
10. deacon blue's 'raintown' shits on that momus album where he sung about italian women raping japanese women
11. genesis does what nintendo'nt!!
12. inxs was the WORST band ever
THATS ALL FOR NOW BUTTEZ OUT!!
so sit down and soak in these 12 FACTS that only esteban buttez can tell you because I have the insights and the insiders and the BALLS to tell it as a nigga sees it
1. white people stole the music from the black people but the black people stole it from the azns in the first place so it's all good
2. thom yorke's internet page history on his laptop includes this page
3. neil young's entire artistic output is crap except for about four songs (rockin in the free world NOT INCLUDED) and the album cover for "everybody's rockin" which was a real statement
4. all anton newcombe of the brian jonestown massacre has ever done is rape his fuckin' son and write a song about it
5. kevin shields once ate six double cheeseburgers for dinner. with fries.
6. AMY WINEHOUSE LIKES A DRINK OR TWO!!! THATS WHY THEY CALL HER WINEHOUSE, SON
7. also, amy whinehouse is a tranny
8. mos def is looking to one day become a member of king crimson and swap the underground hip hop for the OLD PROG GUFF
9. "underground" scottish artist momus isn't as good as his cousin, the guy from deacon blue
10. deacon blue's 'raintown' shits on that momus album where he sung about italian women raping japanese women
11. genesis does what nintendo'nt!!
12. inxs was the WORST band ever
THATS ALL FOR NOW BUTTEZ OUT!!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
why POOFTAH MUSIC is better than DYKE MUSIC
POOFTAH MUSIC is pretty kewel because tha bumbandits know how to leik fun. they take the e'z and dance to disco and shitznit and then have the hard and rough bumsex! they gave us teh pet shopp boyz and shit. in fact, pooftahs are great fun and cool dudez when they are tryin not to put their diseased aids cocks in yr anus!!
DYKE MUSIC is boring guff shit because teh cunt eatin dykes hate funs. they have shitty dope (and dope leads to shitty music EVERY FUKKEN TIME) and write poems about their diseased vaginas and how teh men rap them every time when they are within 10 miles of said diseased vaginas and how trannies are teh evil because they are not even tolerant and listen to shitty guff folk musics. or tori amos crying about being raped. or tegan and sara masturbating their shecocks (this is the only known example of shecocks approved by teh dykes for sum reason maybe because they are teh boringz!!). in fact, dykes are boring untolerant bitches who need a cock in their anus. if teh pooftahs werent pooftahs, they'd perfect for the job and liven up teh dyke lives a little!!!!!
DYKE MUSIC is boring guff shit because teh cunt eatin dykes hate funs. they have shitty dope (and dope leads to shitty music EVERY FUKKEN TIME) and write poems about their diseased vaginas and how teh men rap them every time when they are within 10 miles of said diseased vaginas and how trannies are teh evil because they are not even tolerant and listen to shitty guff folk musics. or tori amos crying about being raped. or tegan and sara masturbating their shecocks (this is the only known example of shecocks approved by teh dykes for sum reason maybe because they are teh boringz!!). in fact, dykes are boring untolerant bitches who need a cock in their anus. if teh pooftahs werent pooftahs, they'd perfect for the job and liven up teh dyke lives a little!!!!!
Sunday, November 4, 2007
ESTEBAN BUTTEZ' TOP TEN SONGS TO PLAY WHILE PLAYING SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 1 OR 2
nigga say i only say negative shit about music. nigga dat aint true.
ESTEBAN BUTTEZ' TOP TEN SONGS TO PLAY WHILE PLAYING SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 1 OR 2
hell yah
10. Ugly Kid Joe - "Cats in the Cradle"
ugly kid joe's best-selling album, "america's least wanted", is the most appropriately named album ever because NOBODY EVER WANTED TO LISTEN TO UGLY KID JOE! haha pwn. except for stoners back in '92 but who da fuck ever gave two shits about these losars?
anywayz its on list because we used to play sonic while dis was on the radio and that shiznit kinda gets in your brain even after cat stevens declared the jihad on ugly kid joe and killed them for ALLAH!!!!!! which is why YOU never heard of them again
9. Genesis - "Invisible Touch"
GENESIS DOES WHAT NINTENDON'T!!
also mah touch was invisible when i was hittin da b button and killin' up dr. robotnik with tha spin attacks
8. Peter Gabriel - "Steam"
about the same time that a nigga was first buying sonic the hedgehog, peter gabriel was at WOMADelaide because he had given adelaide the wonderful gift of a WOMAD and all the pot-smoking feral left hippies that come along with that ruin our parklands with disused flyers for mung bean liberation
thanks a lot arsehole!!!
(ps did you ever get to fuck kate bush, pete? if you did you would be my favourite musician evar)
7. Eric Clapton - "Tears In Heaven"
haha his stupid kid fell out of a window
6. Guns 'N' Roses - "November Rain"
by the time a DECENT sonic teh hedgehog games out for a next gen system, we'll be rawkin out to CHINESE DEMOCRACY owned
(has anyone told axl that they dont have democracy in china??)
5. New Order - "Regret"
haha barney is regretting hooking with johnny marr now he turned crap (still at least he wasnt at modest mouse level crap yet, no wonder even mike joyce has taken johnny's number of his mobile phone list) while hooooky is regretting the fact that he is a DUMB BUTT unless he is doing the bass in new order but especially when he is trying to be like barney but a crap version of barney if a thing is possible
stephen and gillian dont have to regret anything!!
4. U2 - "Even Better Than The Real Thing"
remember that brief period of time when u2 werent crap??
no neither do i!!
3. The Scorpions - "Wind of Change"
this is the soundtrack of how east germany was liberated by the communist fascists and given the awesome power of MULLETS and SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!! fuck you marx and lenin, DEMOCRACY IS TEH WINNAR AND NOT YUO and yr red sickle is no match for a blue hedgehog in nike shoes!!!
2. Sonic Youth - "Kool Thing"
SONIC YOUTH LIKES CHILLI DOGS
1. The Spin Doctors - "Two Princes"
this isnt only the best song to play sonic the hedgehog to this is only the best and most perfect song ever
but it did give the world the genre of "crap american jam band" so fuck that
ESTEBAN BUTTEZ' TOP TEN SONGS TO PLAY WHILE PLAYING SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 1 OR 2
hell yah
10. Ugly Kid Joe - "Cats in the Cradle"
ugly kid joe's best-selling album, "america's least wanted", is the most appropriately named album ever because NOBODY EVER WANTED TO LISTEN TO UGLY KID JOE! haha pwn. except for stoners back in '92 but who da fuck ever gave two shits about these losars?
anywayz its on list because we used to play sonic while dis was on the radio and that shiznit kinda gets in your brain even after cat stevens declared the jihad on ugly kid joe and killed them for ALLAH!!!!!! which is why YOU never heard of them again
9. Genesis - "Invisible Touch"
GENESIS DOES WHAT NINTENDON'T!!
also mah touch was invisible when i was hittin da b button and killin' up dr. robotnik with tha spin attacks
8. Peter Gabriel - "Steam"
about the same time that a nigga was first buying sonic the hedgehog, peter gabriel was at WOMADelaide because he had given adelaide the wonderful gift of a WOMAD and all the pot-smoking feral left hippies that come along with that ruin our parklands with disused flyers for mung bean liberation
thanks a lot arsehole!!!
(ps did you ever get to fuck kate bush, pete? if you did you would be my favourite musician evar)
7. Eric Clapton - "Tears In Heaven"
haha his stupid kid fell out of a window
6. Guns 'N' Roses - "November Rain"
by the time a DECENT sonic teh hedgehog games out for a next gen system, we'll be rawkin out to CHINESE DEMOCRACY owned
(has anyone told axl that they dont have democracy in china??)
5. New Order - "Regret"
haha barney is regretting hooking with johnny marr now he turned crap (still at least he wasnt at modest mouse level crap yet, no wonder even mike joyce has taken johnny's number of his mobile phone list) while hooooky is regretting the fact that he is a DUMB BUTT unless he is doing the bass in new order but especially when he is trying to be like barney but a crap version of barney if a thing is possible
stephen and gillian dont have to regret anything!!
4. U2 - "Even Better Than The Real Thing"
remember that brief period of time when u2 werent crap??
no neither do i!!
3. The Scorpions - "Wind of Change"
this is the soundtrack of how east germany was liberated by the communist fascists and given the awesome power of MULLETS and SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!! fuck you marx and lenin, DEMOCRACY IS TEH WINNAR AND NOT YUO and yr red sickle is no match for a blue hedgehog in nike shoes!!!
2. Sonic Youth - "Kool Thing"
SONIC YOUTH LIKES CHILLI DOGS
1. The Spin Doctors - "Two Princes"
this isnt only the best song to play sonic the hedgehog to this is only the best and most perfect song ever
but it did give the world the genre of "crap american jam band" so fuck that
Friday, November 2, 2007
ESTEBAN BUTTEZ' TOP TEN SHITTEST BANDS OF ALL TIME
christ on a mountain bike son theres a lot of crappy bands out there. It's true you pull yo ass around the corner and you will see some punk ass 17 year old punks tryin to rawk out in the shittest way possible. if you ever have a kid and he/she grows up to do that, you have FAILED at being a parent. You know if you have succeeded if you have hit and bullied the child so much that he/she plays keyboards too fucken much
ANYWAY the point is the whole world is infested with shite bands like how nanobots will turn our punk asses into green goo once project 17 is launched (and it will)...
BUT only a certain number of bands - TEN in fact - can spend DECADES at being so shit that they end their fag ass asses on ESTEBAN BUTTEZ' TOP TEN SHITTEST BANDS OF ALL TIME
why write this? because q and shitty music magz do this GUFF all the time and it gets them on news websites because HOLD THE PRESSES, TEH STONE ROSES IS STILL THE BEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME
which is bullshit because even BRADFORD was better. i still prefer mozza's version of skinhead storming anywayz.
NOW HERE IS THE LIST SON
10. Led Zeppliens
thanks u fags for inventing heavy mental........NOT!!! now the whole world has had to put up with GUFF from "really deep" 16 year old nerds rawkin out on the guitar. fuck that. the fags couldnt come up with album names (II? FUCK THAT!!) or decent songs. or decent song names. bwyn-y-have-a-holiday-home-in-wales stomp? i dont think so tim. thankfully bozo the clown died of an alcholic posioning to split the band...not that he died of course because he changed his now to rappin ronnie reagan and became fuhrer of america
and shit those fagz are coming back for one night only for the corporations
stairway to heavens still rawks tho'
9. Sleater-Kinney
heh. nice try girls, GO BACK TO THE POTS AND PANS. oh wait, you already have. ZIIING!
8. Wolfmother
oh boy reheated 70s dinosaur rock BOY ISNT IT GREAT TO BE LIVING IN THE 20TH CENTURY AND LISTENING TO MODERN MUSIC? this shit pisses me off because every song right should sound like "together in electric dreams" not generic r&b guff or dinosaur rawk
ANYWAY only australians could come up with this crap and only australians could listen to it
7. Jet
see above but with "lol way to steal beatles songs lol"
6. The Beatles
heh. you know when your band sucks when the drummer is the most talented. AND IT'S TRUE, look at ringo's early solo career, son.
5. Muse
a few years back i brought this kinda cool shirt from french connection (lol) which was colourful and a bit fruity but it was cool and everyone liked it
then that fag from muse wore the exact same shirt at live 8
nigga i havent been able to wear it since
4. Revenge
Too easy.
3. U2
"THESE GUYS ARE FROM ENGLAND AND WHO GIVES A SHIT?"
2. The Rolling Stones
the world's best rock and roll band? yeahhhhhh...i dont think so. because if it wasit wouldnt have some big lipped atlanticist fascist (probably) tart who sings like a cross between a goat fucker, a crossdresser and a posh english fag (but not the good kind of posh english fag). neither would it have some drugged up muthafucka writin and playin shitty boogie shit and the same boogie shit since 1902. they also wouldnt have whored themselves out to THE MAN, wouldnt have stolen french train electricity (they would have been like OMD and used SOLAR POWER) and they wouldnt have been unhygenic and ate a mars bar out of a diseased vagina.
they would have also been nicer to brian jones.
the rolling stones are none of these things. they are nothing more than the flesh embodiment of the baby boomer spirit: that is their self-centered mission to own and fuck up the world and let us fuckers clean it up. and making housing unaffordable.
also they killed the black man at altamont. i have NO sympathy for when mick jagger dies from the AIDS (which he will) which is the black man's revenge
1. Pink Floyd
only australians really like these cunts
do i need to say more??
ANYWAY the point is the whole world is infested with shite bands like how nanobots will turn our punk asses into green goo once project 17 is launched (and it will)...
BUT only a certain number of bands - TEN in fact - can spend DECADES at being so shit that they end their fag ass asses on ESTEBAN BUTTEZ' TOP TEN SHITTEST BANDS OF ALL TIME
why write this? because q and shitty music magz do this GUFF all the time and it gets them on news websites because HOLD THE PRESSES, TEH STONE ROSES IS STILL THE BEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME
which is bullshit because even BRADFORD was better. i still prefer mozza's version of skinhead storming anywayz.
NOW HERE IS THE LIST SON
10. Led Zeppliens
thanks u fags for inventing heavy mental........NOT!!! now the whole world has had to put up with GUFF from "really deep" 16 year old nerds rawkin out on the guitar. fuck that. the fags couldnt come up with album names (II? FUCK THAT!!) or decent songs. or decent song names. bwyn-y-have-a-holiday-home-in-wales stomp? i dont think so tim. thankfully bozo the clown died of an alcholic posioning to split the band...not that he died of course because he changed his now to rappin ronnie reagan and became fuhrer of america
and shit those fagz are coming back for one night only for the corporations
stairway to heavens still rawks tho'
9. Sleater-Kinney
heh. nice try girls, GO BACK TO THE POTS AND PANS. oh wait, you already have. ZIIING!
8. Wolfmother
oh boy reheated 70s dinosaur rock BOY ISNT IT GREAT TO BE LIVING IN THE 20TH CENTURY AND LISTENING TO MODERN MUSIC? this shit pisses me off because every song right should sound like "together in electric dreams" not generic r&b guff or dinosaur rawk
ANYWAY only australians could come up with this crap and only australians could listen to it
7. Jet
see above but with "lol way to steal beatles songs lol"
6. The Beatles
heh. you know when your band sucks when the drummer is the most talented. AND IT'S TRUE, look at ringo's early solo career, son.
5. Muse
a few years back i brought this kinda cool shirt from french connection (lol) which was colourful and a bit fruity but it was cool and everyone liked it
then that fag from muse wore the exact same shirt at live 8
nigga i havent been able to wear it since
4. Revenge
Too easy.
3. U2
"THESE GUYS ARE FROM ENGLAND AND WHO GIVES A SHIT?"
2. The Rolling Stones
the world's best rock and roll band? yeahhhhhh...i dont think so. because if it wasit wouldnt have some big lipped atlanticist fascist (probably) tart who sings like a cross between a goat fucker, a crossdresser and a posh english fag (but not the good kind of posh english fag). neither would it have some drugged up muthafucka writin and playin shitty boogie shit and the same boogie shit since 1902. they also wouldnt have whored themselves out to THE MAN, wouldnt have stolen french train electricity (they would have been like OMD and used SOLAR POWER) and they wouldnt have been unhygenic and ate a mars bar out of a diseased vagina.
they would have also been nicer to brian jones.
the rolling stones are none of these things. they are nothing more than the flesh embodiment of the baby boomer spirit: that is their self-centered mission to own and fuck up the world and let us fuckers clean it up. and making housing unaffordable.
also they killed the black man at altamont. i have NO sympathy for when mick jagger dies from the AIDS (which he will) which is the black man's revenge
1. Pink Floyd
only australians really like these cunts
do i need to say more??
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Esteban Buttez Bloggin' At The ARIA "Awards"
Last sunday the INTERNET MUSIC JOURANLIST JUGGERNAUT known as ESTEBAN BUTTEZ got an invite to the aria "awards"
now 99.9% of you all will be like "lol what shit is that" and i will be like "oh its like the BRITS but even shitter because it is for AUSTRALIAN RAWK only and you will be like "oh lol"
yeah son i was there and it was shit and i didnt even get a blowjob from that one from those twin sisters so fuck that. also they had that tooheys shit. homeboy i like tooheys old but that aint trendy so they were givin us music journalists that extra dry GUFF and i was like "GIVE ME COOPERS, SON" and this 16 year old jock fag cunt was like "uhhh we dont have that because we get paid by beer people to promote to trendy trendsetters like u"
bloody hell son
anyway the ceremony sucked ass and SILVERCHIAR (lol no rly) were voted best gayass aussie rawk band, best shitty boring straight ahead aussie rawk album (lol next year it will be wolfmother's direct cover of deep purple) and boringist boring jock fag shit evah
welcome to australia in the year 2007 lol rly that whiny fag talks about shitting his pants, marries that anoerixc bitch who had that song and makes a shitty shit album full of boring guff which is another copy of LOL FROGSTOMP LOL and thats the best australian album of the year
still who else were they gonna give it to? powdersfingers?
pays de merde
keith urban was there. he's the alcoholic fag that married nicole kidman because she only marries fag. he won the best australian country album which is like being student of the year in a special school
that bitch from sneaky system sounds has a dick lol
john butler trio won the award for "album most purchased by office workers aged 22-30 that have no taste and dont want to listen to anything challenging just some folk GUFF shit while they pretend to smoke weed but just drink shit beer like tooheys extra dry or BLONDE GUFF"
tha hilltop hoods had to win the best urban release again with their album from last year because ever since john howard killed the aboriginals and the sudanese refugees there are no black people in australia (except for arndale)
coming into the aria hall of fame was king fuckwit Nick Cave. what for? being shit!! haha wtf. here's how nick cave's career has progressed:
1887: goes to london because he thinks there some shitty english bands that are as shit as them and they sell about 16 cassettes. by the time he gets there, they have invented the new pop which is about 10000000x better and that upsets nick because he can't do music that is listenable only shitty GUFF STUFF
1891: upset nick becomes a tard and does music influenced by american tards that hate europe (copyright robin carmody). note that he now lives in EUROPE
1985: becomes shitty 80s goth botherer. even worse version of killing joke if possible.
1995: tries to fuck kylie minogue but fails
1997: becomes annoying uphimself cunt singing about god and shit
2007: looks like a crap version of ugly dave gray if such a thing is possible but without the dick jokes
final proof that you have to get into a hall of fame for australian "music" you have to be a tard and shit at every attempt you've made at music. this is why shit fag tards like nick cave and ac/dc (more like tard/retard) and other guff get in. and why teh go-betweens and the triffids and the good guys from the television advertisement for whitegoods retailer the good guys don't get in
basically you have to sing shit about retarded american goth shit or retarded reheated seventies dinosaur rawk to do well in this fucking lame ass country
while if you sing about cattle and cane and the good guys slashing prices on quality good you get shafted
which is bullshit because what has nick cave done for me? fuck all
what have the good guys done for me? i got a hella good toaster from the good guys at pooraka for ONLY TWENTY DOLLARS and they still sing better than nick cave
because they really do slash the prices
now 99.9% of you all will be like "lol what shit is that" and i will be like "oh its like the BRITS but even shitter because it is for AUSTRALIAN RAWK only and you will be like "oh lol"
yeah son i was there and it was shit and i didnt even get a blowjob from that one from those twin sisters so fuck that. also they had that tooheys shit. homeboy i like tooheys old but that aint trendy so they were givin us music journalists that extra dry GUFF and i was like "GIVE ME COOPERS, SON" and this 16 year old jock fag cunt was like "uhhh we dont have that because we get paid by beer people to promote to trendy trendsetters like u"
bloody hell son
anyway the ceremony sucked ass and SILVERCHIAR (lol no rly) were voted best gayass aussie rawk band, best shitty boring straight ahead aussie rawk album (lol next year it will be wolfmother's direct cover of deep purple) and boringist boring jock fag shit evah
welcome to australia in the year 2007 lol rly that whiny fag talks about shitting his pants, marries that anoerixc bitch who had that song and makes a shitty shit album full of boring guff which is another copy of LOL FROGSTOMP LOL and thats the best australian album of the year
still who else were they gonna give it to? powdersfingers?
pays de merde
keith urban was there. he's the alcoholic fag that married nicole kidman because she only marries fag. he won the best australian country album which is like being student of the year in a special school
that bitch from sneaky system sounds has a dick lol
john butler trio won the award for "album most purchased by office workers aged 22-30 that have no taste and dont want to listen to anything challenging just some folk GUFF shit while they pretend to smoke weed but just drink shit beer like tooheys extra dry or BLONDE GUFF"
tha hilltop hoods had to win the best urban release again with their album from last year because ever since john howard killed the aboriginals and the sudanese refugees there are no black people in australia (except for arndale)
coming into the aria hall of fame was king fuckwit Nick Cave. what for? being shit!! haha wtf. here's how nick cave's career has progressed:
1887: goes to london because he thinks there some shitty english bands that are as shit as them and they sell about 16 cassettes. by the time he gets there, they have invented the new pop which is about 10000000x better and that upsets nick because he can't do music that is listenable only shitty GUFF STUFF
1891: upset nick becomes a tard and does music influenced by american tards that hate europe (copyright robin carmody). note that he now lives in EUROPE
1985: becomes shitty 80s goth botherer. even worse version of killing joke if possible.
1995: tries to fuck kylie minogue but fails
1997: becomes annoying uphimself cunt singing about god and shit
2007: looks like a crap version of ugly dave gray if such a thing is possible but without the dick jokes
final proof that you have to get into a hall of fame for australian "music" you have to be a tard and shit at every attempt you've made at music. this is why shit fag tards like nick cave and ac/dc (more like tard/retard) and other guff get in. and why teh go-betweens and the triffids and the good guys from the television advertisement for whitegoods retailer the good guys don't get in
basically you have to sing shit about retarded american goth shit or retarded reheated seventies dinosaur rawk to do well in this fucking lame ass country
while if you sing about cattle and cane and the good guys slashing prices on quality good you get shafted
which is bullshit because what has nick cave done for me? fuck all
what have the good guys done for me? i got a hella good toaster from the good guys at pooraka for ONLY TWENTY DOLLARS and they still sing better than nick cave
because they really do slash the prices
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